I dreamt about my friend. She told me her sister had a picture of me and wouldn't tell me why. But i KNEW she knew why so i demanded an answer but

she kept saying "i don't know i don't know" i was getting fucking annoyed so i asked if her sister was a lesbian otherwise why else would she need a pic of me?

she was like "no she just wants it for some fashion thing" her sister is a fashion designer

so i said "what is she going to do with it?"

she says "i don't know"

so i'm REALLY pissed off but i decided to drop it. We then end up in her room,i've never actually seen her room so i dreamt up some room from my aunts house and called it hers.

She started pulling out books and i said "what are you doing?" she answered back annoyed and sitting at a desk "my hw?" so then i reach in to my back and asked what was the assignment for our english teacher she told me then i started my hw and woke up.

WOW BORING FUCKING DREAM RIGHT GUYS?

I mean FUUUUCK all that could have happend in real life...the conversation wasn't freaky at all and all we both do constantly is our hw. Plus she pisses me off because she's very non descriptive when i need to know about something. Argh but wow i hate that fucking dream so much right now. Either i need more interesting friends or my life is dull land.

To prove my mind isn't a fucking snore fest here's some of my drawings.

It was weeks ago...i've been busy and it just slipped my mind! but i met the user levelingup! he was incredibly sweet...he bought me food! YAY FOOD! and he said i was prettier than my pictures! <3 we had a lot of fun just walking around and he met my friend who kinda...scared him a bit lol. But they seemed to get on alright.

I was really depressed when he left mostly because i've never had someone i was so comfortable with. I can't imagine how many other users there are who would be so easy to talk to. I must have a lot in common with the guys here i love everything from movies to comics animes and videogames.

Ok well i don't LOVE videogames but i love watching them and playing sometimes...even though i suck.I can't wait to see him again and maybe other users GAGSY FTW! i hope that levelingup will see me during the summer and buy me more food...mmm...:D thanks LU for not running in fear when i started going on a long rant about cake, and that time i poured that chocolate in my mouth...that is love right there. lmao.

THese are pics i drew of my cousins gf who is absolutely gorgeous and awesome, and a constant eater DAMN HER PERFECT BODY! wish i could have her body and still eat like a fatty.

I won't say who( because i don't know his name J/k!) but i definately did get kissed today in the movie theater!

to quote harry potter YES I WILL QUOTE HIM!

"it was wet"

very wet....but nice ^^ FINALLY! FUCKING LATE MUCH?

No i don't have a boyfriend though. I mean i'd like him to be...but he's leaving so...well no. Still he was patient with me being as a huge a noob as i am. I felt like a fuck damn loser. ARGH...maybe i WAS wrong to wait for the right guy...i should have practiced on losers...lol neh...Dignity always dignity.

But i am pretty proud of myself. For waiting so long and not just giving up and saying "GAH i give up right guy won't come let me just get with some loser" lol i waited and TADA i got the right kiss the right guy at the right time. It was DEFINATELY a memorable time and i won't regret kissing him because he's a good guy. So i can laugh at all you other assholes who regret YOUR first kisses because they were cunts.

WHATD YOU GET?

I got a skirt

Avatar season 2 box set

knee length socks

those sock thingies that go over your shoes...are they called leggings? whatever

A belt with skulls and studs

Makeup/manicure set

Sketchbook

Fixatif and ink pens and a pencil case

and a desk

Meh not exactly the greatest stuff ever but who cares i'm getting older and by next year i'll be officialy out of ideas of what to ask for. It'll be weird not knowing what i want.

I'm really just PATHETIC. I mean...you would laugh at my pathetic..ness...if you knew. Here's how it is. I suck with guys i like. I know i talk about guys a lot..but that's because it's the biggest issue i HAVE. I can't FUNCTION around guys. Well..actually i can function around guys as a FRIEND...i'm a fucking cool ass friend...but once i know that guy wants to be more...i shut down. Not in a faggy shy way. I become self conscious and nervous.

I look calm but if you guys knew what went on in my head you'd laugh or run away. Here's a situation for example say a guy likes me and i KNOW he likes me because say someone told me that he said that to them i would start getting very nervous and conscious of everything i do around him...and say for example i want to hug him but i never have before...here's what would go on in my mind:

Me: god i really like him

Myself: I should hug him

Me: NO don't hug him what if he hates it...what if he really doesn't like me what if that person lied!?

Myself: he didn't change his mind!

Me: BUT WHAT IF HE DID? WHAT IF HE DOESNT LIKE ME AND I MAKE A ASS OUT OF MYSELF AND HE HATES ME FOR IT AFTER I DO??

Myself: HES BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU!

Me: YOU DONT KNOW THAT HE JUST SAID IM PRETTY YOU ARROGANT FUCK!

Myself: he KISSED your CHEEK....

Me: So? people do that...doesn't make me special...

Myself: LISTEN GODDAMNT IF YOU DONT HUG HIM BY THE TIME HE WALKS OVER HERE IM MENTALLY KICKING YOUR ASS! DO IT DO IT NOW NOW NOW!

Me: FUCK OK!!!

*quick hug commenses*

Myself: tsh...dumbass

Oh the psyche of sawke.

So part 2 to Yahoo's "what women look for in a man" and my take on this.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/9-a ttractive-qualities-women-look-for-in-
a-guy-317629/

Money

Ok money is definately a beautiful thing. I dont like when guys try to buy me clothes and shit. It'll make me feel guilty RIGHT levelingup? lol but food on the other hand...although i'll still feel guilty well i don't mind if food is bought for me. RIGHT levelingup? anyway i'm not a fancy person i don't need to be in a restaurant to eat fastfoods good.

But still it's nice to be with a guy who has money just in case on the RARE occasion i need to borrow some like say i'm short a dollar it's good to know he has me covered. So yes money is important just becareful you don't get a girl that only has THAT on her mind.

Super Hot

STFU yahoo. Looks have nothing to do with anything. I can understand if you're a little turned off by FUCKED up acne or lazy eye or ick a MOLE. But if the person REALLY means that much to you and the personality is one in a million outer appearances should mean nothing.

Confident

Yes yes a million times yes. I don't know about other women. But confident guys put me at ease and make me confident too. I HATE shy guys who twitch a lot, don't make eye contact, and don't speak clearly. It's sooooo annoying. I'm more or less a open person but most of that openness comes from being with someone who is also confident. So confidence matters that's a definate.

Talented and Passionate

This varies. Obviously as an artist it would make no sense for me to be with someone who likes to talk about science. Granted i do like science. But i doubt my conversation skills will go past black holes and functions of the human brain, etc. Whereas someone who is in to art and comics or music would be able to talk deeply with me. So this varies. It's not necessary for a man to be talented if the women he's with also isn't talented. But it IS important to have an equal deep interest in something.

There's going to be a part 3 for two reasons

1) i'm tired

2) just because.

Ok so previous post you know that DICK and ASSHOLE are two guys who sat together and talked about how DICK fucked me! WRONG NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! SO HERES WHAT HAPPEND WHEN I WENT TO FIND OUT WHAT DICK SAID EXACTLY ABOUT ME!

Me: Hey DICK i need to talk to you later *walks away*

I ignored him asking what was wrong. PUT IN THE FEAR FIRST BABY!

I found Asshole.

Me: Asshole you me and DICK need to talk!

Asshole and i then go to DICKS class when the bell rang the FIRST thing he said was "DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THIS CLOWN TOLD YOU!"

ROFL! he practically confessed so i said "why did you say i had sex with you?" of COURSE bad idea!

we were in the middle of the hallway and people were looking at us and whispering because i said it loud...i was too angry to care.

So DICK scoffed and said "OH MY GOD i was being sarcastic!"

Asshole said "you liar i asked you TWICE i KNOW WHEN YOU ARE BEING SARCASTIC!"

so i said "DICK! whether you were being sarcastic or not isn't the point you don't SAY things like that!"

so Dick rolls his eyes and said "i'm SORRY for being sarcastic "oh ya GREAT apology"

so asshole says to me "ALL i asked was if you two were sleeping together because you two are around eachother a lot"

So DICK goes "and i was being sarcastic and said that she and i were sleeping together! that's like me saying me and Obama are sleeping together"

so i screamed "YA BUT SLEEPING WITH ME IS MORE BELIEVABLE!"

so asshole leaves and says some douchy thing like "oh i gotta flirt with girls blah blah"

and i turn to Dick and tell him that Asshole asked him a PLAUSIBLE question all he had to do is answer with a plausible answer. So i tried to appeal to his guilt and explain what happens when people spread rumors like that and how embarrassing it was for Asshole to scream it out loud in the cafeteria.

Then one of the short little teachers started jumping around us and telling us to get to class and Dicks words to me were.

"maybe you shouldn't hang around with clowns then!"

so i ask him "does that mean i shouldn't hang around with you?" he shrugs so

i walk away to class.

I'm sorry i don't hate men. I just hate DOUCHEBAG MEN! here's the deal...my so called "friend" lets call him DICK. Told some asshole that he had SEX with me. SO NOT TRUE. So ASSHOLE screams it out in the cafeteria. No one really heard him...but i have to find out if this is the truth to be sure. I'm going to interrogate DICK tomorrow to find out WHAT THE FUCKING DEAL IS!

He's been known to brag about sex so i'm SURE he did say he slept with me. I'm learning how to spot lies through eye movement and body language...as far as i'm concerned if his eyes move left he's a FUCKING liar. But i'm not going to yell...suprisingly...no if he's lying i'm going to bring him to the asshole he told and have him embarrass himself and tell asshole that he never had sex with me.

Then i'm going to tell him that if i ever hear shit like this again i'm going to bring down so much hell on him that he won't be able to brag about sex with anyone ever again, i am NOT a dumb fucking girl he can spread rumors about i am NOT the one. Before even I fully processed what was going on my friends were about to kill him, this is a matter of sex here, i take my reputation SERIOUSLY and he is, i'm not sorry to say it, a FUCKWAD NO ONE LIKES HIM I GAVE HIM A CHANCE I THOUGHT "MAYBE HE'S NOT SO BAD!" Oh IM SURE HE IS HE'S GOING TO LIE TO ME I KNOW HE SAID IT I FUCKING KNOW IT HES A FILTHY BASTARD. But him not being popular isn't the point i just don't like the idea of people looking at me in disgust for having sex with a douche/guy and not even dating him.

I will get all my guy friends on his ass if he ever does this again. He's also a delusional fuck if he ever thinks i'm hugging HIM again...clearly either him or other people are getting the wrong message when i'm with him. By tomorrow this will all be solved.

I explained to my parents that i don't want to go to prom. For one thing none of my friends are in to it so why go to something if i'll be alone or with classmates i barely speak to and i'll cry if my family thinks i'm dating. I'm not. but this one guy asked me out. if anyone in my family knew that it'd be hell. "omg our little girls all grown up blah blah" It's always been that way. I was too young to date so i wasn't allowed...now that i can everyone will tease me about it, either way i don't care i'm not interested in anyone nor have i ever been. If it so happend that i DO find someone he'll be a secret.

If my daughter ever wanted to date she'd have to be 13 and it could only be on a weekend. Id also have to meet him first. I think my parents are too strict in saying i couldnt date the guy that asked me out when i was 13. Girls should be trusted. If a guy in my family can date at 13 why not a girl? it's not fair.

It's also really embarrassing that my mom makes hints that i should date...like my cousins girlfriend has a brother who's 19 my mom said "HEY! there you go just for you" i met him..he was pretty cute...but his personality was infuriating. Looks and personality for me are two very separate and not equally important things.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/9-a ttractive-qualities-women-look-for-in-
a-guy-317629/

Anybody seen this? i'm going to give my take on this.

1) sense of humor is important i agree...but honestly...there's a fine line between a sense of humor and immaturity. I like a guy who can make me laugh i can make laugh...but i respect him more when he understands when i need him to be serious.

2) Trustworthy

this DOES take a long time to build. This is why i prefer to be friends with guys first and i'm always proven just how untrustworthy they are. Not ALL mind you...just the ones i thought were good! it's best to wait for the trust to build...and if at a certain point it doesn't build...then clearly dating isn't a option.

3) Kindness

This is admirable...but to a point...some guys can be TOO kind and it gets annoying or suspicious. I LIKE when im asked what's wrong when i come in depressed. But if i'm asked what's wrong when i'm angry it PISSES me off. Stay the FUCK out of my way when i'm angry.

No i'm not being bitchy. if you are irritable like me...and rant to yourself about WHY you are angry..HOW FUCKING ASININE IS IT FOR A PERSON TO ASK YOU WHY YOU ARE ANGRY!!?! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME BITCHING?...honestly...don't ask me what's wrong...just stay out of my way when i'm angry. I'm angry because i'm angry talking about my FEELINGS won't make me any less annoyed.