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Bizarro me!

2009-11-16 17:29:28 by Sawke

Do you have an alternate self? my bizarro me in almost everyway its scary.

We're both half black half white

she's skinny and academically smart, i'm slightly chubby and artistic.

she likes shopping and doing stuff, i like sitting around and walking to comic stores.

she watches Americas Next Top Model, I watch anime.

she's social, i'm unsocial

she gets plenty of guys, i get guys attention but they aren't attractive

she's selfish, i try to put others needs above my own

everyone in our family likes hanging out with me, everyone dreads when she comes

i like rock, she likes rap

i wear band tshirts and baggy clothes, she wears tight girly shit

she has a oval face type, i have a more round look

she has a "sexy" look, i've been told i'm cute blaaaah

she likes shopping, i'm cheap so i don't care about it

she blows through money, i save up

i have glasses, she doesn't

she has straight hair because she gives a shit and straightens it, i have thick wild curls

i have glasses, she doesn't.

i ask questions because i'm genuinely interested, she only fakes interest

she never asks how people are doing, i'm always ready to hear it, as long as its not a 30 hour complaint lol.

I think that's about all of them, if you still don't have a clear idea, think Betty and her sister from ugly betty, the physical differences are exactly the same.

In short, i'm the girl guys like to hang out with, she's the girl guys want to fuck. Apart i'm fricking awesome, Place us together and my dignity gets bitch slapped, yes i'm honestly jealous, everything she's at ease about i'm completely insecure. But i'm not saying she's selfish and bratty out of jealousy, she REALLY is that way, believe it or not SOMETIMES girls who are used to getting by on their looks can be a LITTTTLE bit obnoxious.

She's not that pleasant to be around. I won't show a picture...because i don't need to be told she's better than me here to! and like i said i'm not irritated with her because she's prettier than me, she's just very very nasty at times. I'll leave you with this that she said "I don't want to take the bus, my jeans will get dirty!" ya.

Is being unsocial hereditary?

2009-11-15 13:51:50 by Sawke

I must have an avoidant personality not because of my dad but because i was born that way. When i was with my mom i was always opens and laughing when i was little, and i barely spent time with my dad i also wasn't interested in the things kid my age liked, and what little girls SHOULD like. Now i'm older and i'm constantly hanging out with my dad and i'm completely disinterested in hanging out with people my own age, i have no interest in anything they have to say.Then parents didnt have time for me when i was little, there werent many kids on my block to play with, and i was often left alone to watch tv.

So ya...i guess being alone a lot can cause serious shyness. No...i wouldnt say im TOO shy..i can speak clearly and keep up a conversation if i wanted to, i just hate it. Sometimes though i don't initiate conversations out of shyness, and that causes me to be alone a lot. But i've learned to adjust. I just don't want it to be like this forever.

I would like to have at least 5 close friends by age 30. Sigh...not working out too well. But i don't want them to be just ANYONE, i want them to be people i actually give a damn about. My family thinks i'm a freak because i don't like dancing, clubs, crowds, pretty much social situations. I'm not interested in pleasing anyone, and i think that's why they can't stand me at times,because i really am so secure that i can handle being alone, sure it might suck from time to time, but i get over it, unlike those social addicts.

But i wish it were possible. For some reason i attract people with serious issues. And i'm the last person who they should be talking to them because i'm admittedly self absorbed and i'm never interested in anyones problems unless it's so strange i only want to ask questions to satisfy my own curiousity.

I have known 5 people in my life with bi polar disorders, 3 with severe depression and cutting problems. And only one said my presence in ther lives made a difference despite the fact i did nothing but be myself. But for the rest being myself isn't enough, for some reason they thought i'm the person who will listen, ask questions be a comfort, but i'm not. I'm chastisizing, and i won't say what's right to make a person feel better if i think it's stupid.

One kid i know cut himself a LOT and was self destructive, sure for a few weeks i listened...but he just kept going ON and ON about his problems everyday. It got to a point where i stopped caring and yelled at him about something obnoxious he did when he wanted someone to take his side.

ya, call me cruel...but i don't take sides to make people "feel better" if i believe someone is being a ass i don't care if their parents are divorced and they are schizo, i'll tell someone they are an ass if i think they are a ass. If they don't like that...well...i'm not the one who said i'm a warm, nurturer, it's their fault for assuming that. i know i SHOULD help these people, but i'm not a professional so it's not technically my obligation. Get a fucking therapist.

My drawing for a friend

2009-10-31 11:32:13 by Sawke

^^ THIS IS TOMMY SUNSHINE! i always kid that my friend is such an optimist and nice guy that he probably hugs puppies so i made this for the sunniest guy i know.

My drawing for a friend

sigh fuck

2009-10-10 21:54:51 by Sawke

a duck

sigh fuck

My promise to my kids.

2009-10-10 14:07:57 by Sawke

When i become a parent here's what i'll never do that my parents have done to me.

Son/Daughter i promise to never...

Wake you up screaming about anything unless im dying or about to.

make you feel stupid for laughing out loud

force you to feel guilty about your style

not listen

help you when you feel you need it

ignore when youre feeling depressed or tired and arent in the mood to talk

call you a brat or something that makes you feel less than who you are

giving you everything you want then calling you a brat

beat you (my dad did this once...i'm not being abused regularly)

calling you fat or making you feel bad when you're eating

comparing you to siblings or relatives or anyone else

calling your dreams stupid or insulting them

making comment on your lack of boyfriend or not having a lot of friends

yeh my life isn't as bad as compared to some...shit my cousins have it waaay worse. But...still everyone has their own personal hell, you have no idea what living with my family is like. It's torture but it's subtle, your family makes you feel great for awhile, then they treat you like shit, then back to good, it's on and off, but i always feel like they love me...but not like me...for me, i hope that makes sense.

I'm everyones little fuck up

2009-10-10 04:59:34 by Sawke

Does your family like to attack you on just about EVERYTHING? my sister and my mom have intense feelings of self loathing so everything they hate about themselves they have to attack me on. My mom hates her hair, so when i want to straighten it she goes "you're ashamed to be black" nooo...i'm ashamed to have thick curly fuckin hair. She's a hypocrite she straightens her hair!!! sometimes i think she's jealous because she hair is so short and mine is thick curls courtesy of my italian side.

Both my mom and sister tell me i weigh too much and snap at me when i'm enjoying some ice cream. They both eat WAAAY less healthier than i do. Fact of the matter is i've managed to stay the SAME weight for the past three years, the only reason i may have a little extra fat is because i don't work out. But i never drink soda, except diet coke, or anything that has over 200 calories and can't fill me up for at least 4 hours.

My sister eats UNBELIEVABLE amounts of portions which is why she gains weight, she snacks so much she has about 3 meals and 2 little ones in a DAY. My mom is the same, she doesn't watch the calories and she doesn't watch the portion sizes. So when i eat ice cream they have no right to tell me "AH YOU PIG!" when in fact i only ate two small but filling meals in the day so by the time i eat the ice cream it would barely have an effect on my weight. I called my sister out on her hypocrisy and she said "it's too late for me but you can still lose weight" WTF SHES NOT 50! SHES ONLY 28!! agh i hate women.....such bitches with eachother.

God you people are SUCH LOSERS!

2009-10-04 20:37:59 by Sawke

doggy is embarassed for you.

God you people are SUCH LOSERS!


2009-09-30 12:55:50 by Sawke

Ouuu yaaaa corn you like that?


Pedophile theme song

2009-09-24 19:46:05 by Sawke

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