I remember thinking at some point how people act differently when they are around other people. I got to thinking about how i act differently at home compared to when i'm act school. I realized when i'm at school even though i'm always happy, some days i really dont feel like it but i still feel obligated to crack a smile just to let people know i'm ok. Sometimes though.... i can't ALWAYS force it.

When i'm home...i'm open and carefree with my dad but however it's toned down...i'm more bitter and the jokes i make aren't like the ones in school, they are sarcastic and cold, at school my jokes are downright corny and stupid. Either way i still make someone smile....it's just odd how i do it in such different ways. However..when i mix what i find funny in school to what i find funny at home...it doesn't always work...sometimes i get looked at like a freak...that just makes me silent. My family is more serious than joking.

it could be the MAIN reason why i'm almost always smileless at home is my mom. I was reading a manga today...lol i know but hear me out...a character said "why are you forcing a smile?" and i just had a total flashback...i remember as a kid if i would laugh for too long my mom would say "stop forcing your laugh" but i WASN'T i mean..maybe there was an occasion or so...but she had to have said that to me enough for it to stick in my memories....also my dad as well. He frowns so much he has permanent frown lines..NO JOKE..so how many laughs do you think he would have if i made a corny joke as a kid to him? jeeze...yeh..i remember him yelling a lot and grumbling...he's nicer now though. Oh well i'm done with my stroll down memory lane. I should go back to therapy.

In all honesty. I am only truly happiest by myself...i can be however i like to be and no one can judge but me!

Oh and i hope no one thinks i'm a emo....lol...i did have cousins who let me be me. I didn't have a bad life...but i don't have the perfect parents either..no one does. But i can say they did a pretty good job..i'm not a crackwhore at least lol.

I'm doing suprisingly well. I always get B's or one accidental C. Yet every term i'm freaking out about it. I don't think i'll be too sane at the end of the year. Which is fine as long as i don't get lower than a 80 average. I'd like higher...but my college i want to be in demands a 80 average or above so i'm just focusing on that and trying not to go under. Blah...wish me luck...or don't if you aren't a nice person :D

I know i'm posting a lot..but there's no one really to talk to but myself. My friends only talk about school, my parents only talk to me about school...eh..oh wait i'm talking about school now. fucking great. I guess i really don't have any other things to talk about, i knew IT...i AM more boring than usual...well shit...

oh...YA...i'm going to europe in July. The plan is Italy, france, london...or perhaps some other order whatever. I'm excited! chocolate chocoooolates. If anyone has any suggestions about where i should go other than hell let me know :D i can't wait to show europeans what a cheeseburger is. J/k...ya i am a douche sorry.

Random pic...

I have a low tolerance for people. I guess i'm too picky. If theres one thing i REALLY can't stand is when people get too physically close to me or don't do what i say when i try to explain something. I'm in a comic class and we are making our own comics and learning how to Xerox them. So this guy who's REALLY irritating he sounds like a girl, super skinny and dorky, he wasn't in class when the teacher explained how to make copies so I had to show him.

ARGH what a FIASCO. I tried to explain to him what he had to do but he fucking just kept walking off! and what's worse is that at one point he stood super close to me while i was working the machine and his breath smelled like shit when he spoke. BLEUGH.

So i couldn't figure out how to make my picture fill up the page correctly and i said to him "wait here i'll go downstairs and ask the teacher watch my art" i left my art work and went downstairs.

After i spoke the teacher i saw him come down the stairs. I said "WHY are you here? whats the point of coming down i said i was coming back!" he shrugged i asked him "Did you leave our ART BEHIND??!?" he said it wasn't a big deal. YES IT IS A BIG DEAL YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR STUFF ALONE ESPECIALLY YOUR ART WORK! IN A COPY ROOM! who KNOWs someone could have thrown it out! no good artists leaves their work unwatched! that's like leaving a child alone. I NEVER leave my art out in the open in a public area it means too much to me. I swear to god...i want to punch this kid so bad.

I was called a goth for YEARS because i wore excessive black and yes i will admit i wore WAY too many studs but even after the studs i was still fucking hassled. In all honesty the main reason i wear black is because i am a slob! i love hanging around female friends because i get so embarassed when i make a mess out of my food around a guy.

I CARE about manners when im with the opposite sex, But when i'm with friends who are girls and know me, they see me shove my face in to a taco or cup cake and get shit all over my cheeks or nose they just laugh and say "oh man..take it EASY! look at you wipe your face!" i laugh too because i don't do it purposely i'm just a hungry idiot.

That's why i wear black lol you can't imagine how much i drop on my clothes....at least then i can just wipe it away and no one will see it :D

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I'm afraid that the Comic is going to be postponed! i'm so sad i wanted to show you guys but due to my teachers crappy scheduling skills we didn't get to Xerox it in class AND i have to fucking redraw stuff which i REALLY do not want to do...UGH...fuck it what choice do i have? so next week hopefully i can show everyone the first page!

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/95 3365/2 my art

TAKE THIS SONG AS MY APOLOGY!

MEHNDI LA GA KE RAKHNA!

IF YOU DON"T LIKE THE SONG THEN YOU GET NO FUCKING APOLOGY!

:3

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http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/95 3365/2

Chiggity check it on bottom of page two. The Art work i drew for a bands album is done. I can't tell you the name because they haven't thought of one yet -_- j but they will be up on Itunes so when they are i'll definately let you all know!

Uhm...that's all i have to say lol i know i'm usually so talkative! i leave you with Chemical Brothers- The Salmon Dance!

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http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/95 3365

Sorry i took so long to bring out a new drawing. I am lazy what can i say!? ^^
I got a early look at my schedule because my dads in the PTA and i went with him to a early meeting, and managed to get a early schedule. I am offically in Advanced Hist and Eng. YEEE i sho am smert! I already feel exhausted thinking of the work i'm going to get.

I really love my hist teacher though he's awesome! know how cool he is? i was watching TV and i saw him at a Chris Rock Show in the audience...don't ask how i have such good eyes ^^ i asked him about it and i said "so why were you laughing so hard at the women jokes eh?" he smiled and said "because those are the best ones" rofl! he's in his 20s and for some reason all the teachers in their 20s are the best kind!

HAPPY DAYS! i remember watching this show early in the mornings lol. Those were the days when there was nothing better to watch XD

I'm not posting anymore pictures here. They'll all be in my art thread. If i have something new to show i'll put the link in each post for it right there.

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/95 3365

There are two new art pictures there so let me know what you think here or there.

Looks like dating won't be possible for when im 17 either. CMOOON LUCKY 18! my dads signed me up for an INTENSE tutoring program for september. Like 4 hours of a study school after school 4 times a week. If that isn't bad enough i get homework too. From there AND my school. Kill...me...I have advanced hist and eng. They make you read and write essays like CRAZY. My friend said she sometimes had to read 100 pages a night. Dear god...no.

I'm quite sure i'll have a break down around Febuary WEEHOO! so dating, time with friends...out the window for a few months...maybe all year? well dating...isn't so bad...i mean it's not as if im dating now or before. I just don't like the idea of not being able to do what i want, when i want to.

But inside i know that no matter how great of a guy asked me out my first response to him would be "are you fucking serious? do you have any idea how much studying i need to do? DO you? i don't have time for you!" i've honestly said something along those lines before some douche would run to me "hurr hurr that guy likes you" i'd be like "hurr hurr that's fucking great douche balls but i don't have time for a fucking boyfriend some of us care about getting in to a good college."

A funny line from The movie Welcome to the dollhouse.

Dawn Weiner: Do you think about girls?
Mark Weiner: Are you kidding?..... I want to get into a good school.

My drawing of Nero...but i want to call him Dante instead. HES DANTE I SAY!

i hate summer...

I should explain why. I'm constantly sweating, my hair turns in to a giant poof of shit, and i am always conscious of my body. But in the winter...oh you gotta love it. That's the time to hide. I can put on a hood and zip up my big sweater and crawl in to a ball and no one would care, if you do that during the summer, people would probably distance themselves from you.

...well i guess nothing can be done about my not feeling satisfied. Someday it'll be better. That's life.

Even if i am not happy with my outer self i don't mind showing my inner self through art. Check it out guys ^^.