I remember thinking at some point how people act differently when they are around other people. I got to thinking about how i act differently at home compared to when i'm act school. I realized when i'm at school even though i'm always happy, some days i really dont feel like it but i still feel obligated to crack a smile just to let people know i'm ok. Sometimes though.... i can't ALWAYS force it.

When i'm home...i'm open and carefree with my dad but however it's toned down...i'm more bitter and the jokes i make aren't like the ones in school, they are sarcastic and cold, at school my jokes are downright corny and stupid. Either way i still make someone smile....it's just odd how i do it in such different ways. However..when i mix what i find funny in school to what i find funny at home...it doesn't always work...sometimes i get looked at like a freak...that just makes me silent. My family is more serious than joking.

it could be the MAIN reason why i'm almost always smileless at home is my mom. I was reading a manga today...lol i know but hear me out...a character said "why are you forcing a smile?" and i just had a total flashback...i remember as a kid if i would laugh for too long my mom would say "stop forcing your laugh" but i WASN'T i mean..maybe there was an occasion or so...but she had to have said that to me enough for it to stick in my memories....also my dad as well. He frowns so much he has permanent frown lines..NO JOKE..so how many laughs do you think he would have if i made a corny joke as a kid to him? jeeze...yeh..i remember him yelling a lot and grumbling...he's nicer now though. Oh well i'm done with my stroll down memory lane. I should go back to therapy.

In all honesty. I am only truly happiest by myself...i can be however i like to be and no one can judge but me!

Oh and i hope no one thinks i'm a emo....lol...i did have cousins who let me be me. I didn't have a bad life...but i don't have the perfect parents either..no one does. But i can say they did a pretty good job..i'm not a crackwhore at least lol.